Most moms I've spoken to are overwhelmed because suddenly they must now teach their children at home, while working from home. These are two major adjustments and disruptions to deal with. And it's not easy. Working from home seemed like a dream when you still had to drive two hours to get to work, or you had to get out of bed in the middle of winter. But actually doing it, is a totally new ball game. And then you still have to teach your child Mathematics and Science. It's enough to drive anyone to despair, tears and frustration. Add lockdown to the mix, and you have a potent and toxic combination that is ready to explode and blow everyone to smithereens.
I can tell you that things will get better. Crazy will start being normal, and you will survive this. And yes, you will come through this without killing anyone. But there will be days that you will feel like a crazy person, and maybe act like one too. It's normal.
When we started our journey, it was tough, and we had to learn one painstaking step at a time.
I've made many many mistakes but here's what I've learned the hard, the painful, the frustrating and confusing way:
Take a step back and relax: Yes, relax and realise you are not a teacher. You're a mom. Or a dad. Or a granny, a grandpa. You don't have to do everything the teacher says every single day. You still have tomorrow. And the day after. You can only do so much in one day. And the homeschool police is not going to arrest you if you skip one day of school.
Find a routine and stick to it. Find a routine that works for you as a family. Not what the school decided but what works for you. Your child may perform better in the morning, or maybe the afternoons work better to do school work. Play around with what time is the best and your child is more focused. Then use that time to teach. This won't happen automatically. It will come through trial and error but eventually you will get there.
Ask you child's opinion: Involve your child in the decisions you make when it comes to schoolwork. Even the young ones can tell you what they like and don't like. You'll be surprised on how much you child has to contribute given the opportunity to do so. And it makes life so much simpler when you don't have to figure things out the whole time.
Listen to your child: There are days that it just becomes too impossible to teach anything to your child. They might be tired, bored or hungry. You might be angry, frustrated and impatient. On those days listen to your child when he says he's tired. Listen when he doesn't understand. Listen when he says he's hungry and needs to eat. Listen and take a break. Things will be a lot calmer after the break. Children are very good at expressing themselves but we as parents don't listen as well as we should. Too often we saw their moaning as an irritation that's eating into our time because we have to stick to an often times useless schedule because there's just too much to do. And everyone ends up frustrated or in tears because we think it would waste too much time if we just take a break and relax.
Threats don't help: I used to shout and threaten if a certain amount of school work wasn't done or a task wasn't completed, but with very little success. Clearly that didn't work with my son. Then I stopped shouting. I promise, you children have a built-in radar that just automatically blocks out your voice if you're the mom. . Instead of shouting I warned him that if certain things are not done I will just start taking away his favourite things and deny him what he loves. It worked beautifully. It still does. Problem solved.
Find a friend you can talk to when things get too much: Now more than ever we need support, and to be reminded that we're not going crazy. You need someone to talk to and who will understand what you're going through, and who will cheer you up. Make a commitment to each other that you will at least check in once a week, and just talk. Talking is a wonderful remedy for stress.
Do not buy a curriculum: Please don't let your fear of your child falling behind, cause you to go and buy some ridiculously expensive curriculum. Her books are enough and the internet offers the most amazing resources free of charge. Especially now with Covid-19 there are so many free books available that spending money on educational resources actually will be a waste.
Ask for help: The friend you talk to might not be the one who can give you advice on homeschooling. Ask around in your community and find out where the homeschoolers are, and ask for help. Join their community and become part of a bigger support network.
Have fun: This might sound like asking for too much but it makes a world of difference. Does your child love colouring? Let her do it, even when the teacher says she must learn her abc's. Does your son hates writing but loves playing games? Let him write a story about his favourite game or characters. Let them enjoy the experience of being at home with you by putting a twist on things. School can be excruciatingly boring and most children only tolerate it because it's a place they have to go while we go to work. Try and do it differently now that they can do it from home.
Simplify things: I sometimes think schools have a natural tendency to complicate things. Look at the work for the day and ask how you can make things simpler. What can you cut out but still get the maximum of amount still done? Find out and then do that. Make life simple. Don't do things by the book. No pun intended.
Everything is new: You are feeling overwhelmed and frustrated. Imagine that you are child is feeling exactly the same. If you child is learning new things, remember that it's completely new for her. You might know it for the last twenty years but for your child it is something they've never heard before and they have no clue what you are talking about. Remember that feeling at work when you had to learn something new and you felt a little afraid, insecure and nervous? That's how your child feels every time you have to teach him something new. And remember that feeling when you finally thought you understand a new concept but then you forgot a tiny detail when you have to explain it or do it on your own? That's how our children feel every time when we ask: "How many times must I tell you to...?"
Create a space where it's okay to make mistakes: Don't ridicule or humiliate your child when he makes a mistake, or forgot something he was taught just a few minutes ago. Teach them that it's okay to make mistakes and that's how you learn. Nobody's perfect, and a child who's afraid to make mistakes is a child who will go through life being afraid to try new things.
None of these things came easily. I made many mistakes but I also learned a lot.And I got to know my children in ways that I never imagined.
Always go for what works for you and your family, and do that. And take it one step at a time. When you feel overwhelmed, take a break. Have coffee. Call a friend. WhatsApp someone. Lock yourself in the bedroom. Sit in your yard and feel the sun in your face. Do something small and silly that will calm you down and take away your stress. Take a relaxing bath in the middle of the day. Just write your own rules.
Build homeschooling around your life, not your life around homeschooling.
You've been thrown in at the very deep end, and it can incredibly tough. If you need more advice on homeschooling you are more than welcome to send me an email. If you are looking for resources, also get in touch with me. I would love to hear from you, even if you just want to chat.
Oh, and don't be fooled by those happy homeschooling moms in those beautiful blogs. It's hard for everybody. We just learn to manage it better with time.
Just know that you are not alone. And help is always there. Just reach out.
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