How do you find yourself when you feel lost?
Do you know that feeling when you look at your life and you feel lost, alone and abandoned? When you look at your life and you wonder is this the sum of my life? What have I achieved that’s worthwhile?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, then know that you are not alone.
Who do you tell when you’re feeling like that because those thoughts are so unexpected and you end up feeling like a loser, a failure, feeling so alone.
When you feel like this, stay away from social media. It will just depress you even more when you see how everyone except you are flourishing and enjoying their lives. But then, what can you do?
Let’s start with what you don’t do.
Don’t visit that snotty friend who’s always bragging about her great life. You know, that friend who always reminds you of what you don’t have, whether it’s a better job, better life, the one whose career is blossoming while yours is going nowhere…. excruciatingly slowly. The one who can spend hours talking about herself but can't listen to you for five minutes. Yes, that one. Avoid her.
Don’t check your WhatsApp status. That’s slowly becoming a breeding ground for bragging people with itchy fingers who think the world will come to an end if they don’t capture their every moment. It will either depress or irritate you.
Don’t watch the news. Bad news sells. The news isn’t there to cheer you up. It’s to give a view into the ugliness of the world. When you read our local newspaper you might think that my area is a dangerous, crime ridden area with criminals waiting on every street corner. We do have crime here, as does the rest of South Africa but when you watch or read the news you’d fall into such a state of hopelessness and you’ll be overwhelmed by a sense of futility. Or you will start wishing with all your heart that you could immigrate.
Don’t follow the latest numbers about the amount of people dying of Covid-19. If you’re one of those people who can quote the latest stats about how many people have died and in which country, please stop. Or if you know someone who does it, tell them to stop. It doesn’t help at all. I’m not saying that you must completely ignore the numbers. The threat is real. But you don’t have to check religiously every day to see how many more people have died of Covid-19. You can stay up to date without monitoring every little thing about the pandemic.
Don’t blame anyone for the way that you’re feeling. It’s the easy way out. But as long as you look outside of yourself you will not find the answer to your pain.
Don’t be a bully. Don’t be mean because you’re feeling sad. Don't be mean to people who don’t deserve it. The rest of the world doesn't have to know that you've lost your way.
So then what can you do?
Be angry.
Yes, everyone tells you to be calm and relaxed and meditate on your feelings. But sometimes you just have to be so damn angry. Let it out. Don’t go and attacking people. Don’t go and be violent. And please don’t be aggressive to strangers and shop assistants.
Be angry in your own space. Go find a mirror and tell your mirror self how angry you are. Tell that mirror self everything that pissed you off, that’s making your blood boil, that wants you want to explode.
Write an angry letter. Yes, we’re still talking about anger. Write the meanest, vilest, angriest letter you can imagine. Write it on paper. And then burn it. Do not, I repeat, do not share the letter. Burn it after writing it. You want to get rid of the anger, not share it.
Take your lost and depressed self and go for a walk. I used to despise anyone who told me to do anything physical when I was feeling sad and lost but this does help a lot. It makes you feel lighter. And happier. And when you start feeling happy, you feel less lost. And you can think a little bit clearer.
Remember who you are.
We feel lost because we forget who we are. We forget that we are amazing and capable of truly great things. We forget that once we did things that inspire and build people and made a difference in someone’s life. We forget our own power and beauty and strength. We forget all those times we overcame terrible odds. Make time to remember who you truly are, a magnificent human being who faced pain and loss. And you are still here.
Take note of all the good in your life.
This suggestion usually made me want to vomit. I’m feeling lost and alone, and you want to me to make a list of the good in my life. What good? I would ask in frustration.
The answer is to focus on the small blessings like your child’s smile, the smell of good coffee, the clean bedding you finally managed to put on, the smell of fresh air when you open the windows in the morning, the smell after the rain… When you look around you there’s so much good happening, but you need to open your heart before you can open your eyes to see it.
Tell yourself that you matter.
For you to matter to anyone else you first have to matter to yourself. It’s not an easy task, it’s unbelievably difficult to start doing you when you've always been doing things for everybody else, except you. But start with one small thing that you do for you. Stick to it, until it feels right and natural. Then do another one. And another one after that. And don't stop.
Start doing things that you enjoy.
Easier said than done, right? But what do you enjoy? What are the little things that you like to do? Do you like chocolate? Buy one just for you and savour it. Do you like movies? Carve out a time for yourself and watch your favourite movie. Do you like reading? Wake up half an hour earlier and read a few pages of your book without any interruptions. Do you just need some alone time? Wake up before everyone else and spend those precious waking moments by yourself, just staring into nothingness, and surrounded by the stillness of an early morning. Start doing those little things that you love and enjoy. It doesn’t have to be complicated but it must bring you joy.
Learn something new.
Learning a new skill is one of the most daunting but exciting and fulfilling things to experience. And you will learn to discover yourself. You’ll feel awkward and lost in the beginning but the feelings of accomplishment as you progress is priceless. You Tube is a great source of information and lessons. It might even put you on a different career path.
Say no
We feel lost when we get lost into someone else’s life. We do things for others at the cost of ourselves. Others can be our children, our spouse, our friends, even neighbours we don’t like. Learn to say no. And you don’t need a reason to say no. Your time is precious and you don’t need to explain anything to anyone if you don’t want to spend that time with them, or waste your time doing something for someone. Calmly say no, without drama without being rude. Just no. It feels wonderful. And you will empowered.
Laugh more.
We feel lost because we forget how to laugh at life and ourselves. The other day I watched the Wedding Crashers with Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson. I didn’t expect to laugh that much and that hard. And I loved the ending as well. Laughter makes you feel so much lighter, and life seems so much more fun when. Sometimes things seem so hopeless and unbelievable that you have no other choice but to laugh, or you will go crazy. You need a quirky sense of humour to see the humour in things that were not supposed to be funny but it helps to keep you sane. I don’t mean that you must laugh at the misfortune of people, that means you’re not just lost, you’re sick too. There’s nothing funny when something bad happens to someone else. Even if you hate them.
Forgive yourself.
Oh wow. This one is huge. Forgiving yourself means to be kind to yourself for all the mistakes you’ve made in the past. It means to let go of your idea of what your life should look like right now, to accept where you are and to be content with yourself. When you start forgiving yourself you learn to let go, to be gentle with yourself, to appreciate your journey and recognise how far you’ve come. And it sets you free.
Celebrate life.
Celebrate all your victories. Did you cook today? In my book that’s a cause for celebration. You have food to eat and electricity to cook it with.
Did you just enjoy a perfect cup of coffee at home. Savour it.
If you’re a mom, did you just have a bath in peace? Major cause for celebration.
Did you get into a bed with clean bedding? Breathe in that cleanliness.
Did you find your favourite perfume? Enjoy the bliss.
Did you wake up with the birds singing outside your window? Enjoy it.
Is your kitchen clean? Victory is yours.
Stand still and smell the rain. Notice the beauty of a sunset. Appreciate the laughter of your child.
Start appreciating all those little things. And celebrate every little thing that you’ve accomplished. I mean every little thing. That includes not swearing at the person who pissed you off.
When my child was born I only had three goals for myself every day, make my bed, take a bath and clean the kitchen. Doing those three things for myself every day made me feel like Superwoman. A baby demands so much attention and energy that I had to keep things simple because I needed all my energy to take care of my baby. I needed energy, not complications.
Take care of yourself.
Be kind to yourself. You feel lost. It’s okay. You need to slow down and take care of your needs. Read the book. Take the walk. Eat the chocolate. Enjoy the wine. Pamper yourself. Get a hair cut. Go out with a friend. Go out alone. Buy a journal and write down your dreams, your hopes and your desires. Do what you need to do to take care of yourself. Discover yourself all over again.
Finding your way when you’re feeling lost is never easy. We all get to a place in our lives where we wonder who we are and where our lives are going. But it is possible to find your way again. It’s a process that might take time, or it might happen in an instant where you recognise yourself again.
Then you will remember that life is so worthwhile. You still have dreams. And you matter. You are a wonderful, amazing powerful human being filled with life and you have so much to offer. There’s still so much to discover. There is so much you are capable of. And do it you must.
You are here. You have survived. You have conquered. You are alive.
You have life inside of you. Live it.
Do you know that feeling when you look at your life and you feel lost, alone and abandoned? When you look at your life and you wonder is this the sum of my life? What have I achieved that’s worthwhile?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, then know that you are not alone.
Who do you tell when you’re feeling like that because those thoughts are so unexpected and you end up feeling like a loser, a failure, feeling so alone.
When you feel like this, stay away from social media. It will just depress you even more when you see how everyone except you are flourishing and enjoying their lives. But then, what can you do?
Let’s start with what you don’t do.
Don’t visit that snotty friend who’s always bragging about her great life. You know, that friend who always reminds you of what you don’t have, whether it’s a better job, better life, the one whose career is blossoming while yours is going nowhere…. excruciatingly slowly. The one who can spend hours talking about herself but can't listen to you for five minutes. Yes, that one. Avoid her.
Don’t check your WhatsApp status. That’s slowly becoming a breeding ground for bragging people with itchy fingers who think the world will come to an end if they don’t capture their every moment. It will either depress or irritate you.
Don’t watch the news. Bad news sells. The news isn’t there to cheer you up. It’s to give a view into the ugliness of the world. When you read our local newspaper you might think that my area is a dangerous, crime ridden area with criminals waiting on every street corner. We do have crime here, as does the rest of South Africa but when you watch or read the news you’d fall into such a state of hopelessness and you’ll be overwhelmed by a sense of futility. Or you will start wishing with all your heart that you could immigrate.
Don’t follow the latest numbers about the amount of people dying of Covid-19. If you’re one of those people who can quote the latest stats about how many people have died and in which country, please stop. Or if you know someone who does it, tell them to stop. It doesn’t help at all. I’m not saying that you must completely ignore the numbers. The threat is real. But you don’t have to check religiously every day to see how many more people have died of Covid-19. You can stay up to date without monitoring every little thing about the pandemic.
Don’t blame anyone for the way that you’re feeling. It’s the easy way out. But as long as you look outside of yourself you will not find the answer to your pain.
Don’t be a bully. Don’t be mean because you’re feeling sad. Don't be mean to people who don’t deserve it. The rest of the world doesn't have to know that you've lost your way.
So then what can you do?
Be angry.
Yes, everyone tells you to be calm and relaxed and meditate on your feelings. But sometimes you just have to be so damn angry. Let it out. Don’t go and attacking people. Don’t go and be violent. And please don’t be aggressive to strangers and shop assistants.
Be angry in your own space. Go find a mirror and tell your mirror self how angry you are. Tell that mirror self everything that pissed you off, that’s making your blood boil, that wants you want to explode.
Write an angry letter. Yes, we’re still talking about anger. Write the meanest, vilest, angriest letter you can imagine. Write it on paper. And then burn it. Do not, I repeat, do not share the letter. Burn it after writing it. You want to get rid of the anger, not share it.
Take your lost and depressed self and go for a walk. I used to despise anyone who told me to do anything physical when I was feeling sad and lost but this does help a lot. It makes you feel lighter. And happier. And when you start feeling happy, you feel less lost. And you can think a little bit clearer.
Remember who you are.
We feel lost because we forget who we are. We forget that we are amazing and capable of truly great things. We forget that once we did things that inspire and build people and made a difference in someone’s life. We forget our own power and beauty and strength. We forget all those times we overcame terrible odds. Make time to remember who you truly are, a magnificent human being who faced pain and loss. And you are still here.
Take note of all the good in your life.
This suggestion usually made me want to vomit. I’m feeling lost and alone, and you want to me to make a list of the good in my life. What good? I would ask in frustration.
The answer is to focus on the small blessings like your child’s smile, the smell of good coffee, the clean bedding you finally managed to put on, the smell of fresh air when you open the windows in the morning, the smell after the rain… When you look around you there’s so much good happening, but you need to open your heart before you can open your eyes to see it.
Tell yourself that you matter.
For you to matter to anyone else you first have to matter to yourself. It’s not an easy task, it’s unbelievably difficult to start doing you when you've always been doing things for everybody else, except you. But start with one small thing that you do for you. Stick to it, until it feels right and natural. Then do another one. And another one after that. And don't stop.
Start doing things that you enjoy.
Easier said than done, right? But what do you enjoy? What are the little things that you like to do? Do you like chocolate? Buy one just for you and savour it. Do you like movies? Carve out a time for yourself and watch your favourite movie. Do you like reading? Wake up half an hour earlier and read a few pages of your book without any interruptions. Do you just need some alone time? Wake up before everyone else and spend those precious waking moments by yourself, just staring into nothingness, and surrounded by the stillness of an early morning. Start doing those little things that you love and enjoy. It doesn’t have to be complicated but it must bring you joy.
Learn something new.
Learning a new skill is one of the most daunting but exciting and fulfilling things to experience. And you will learn to discover yourself. You’ll feel awkward and lost in the beginning but the feelings of accomplishment as you progress is priceless. You Tube is a great source of information and lessons. It might even put you on a different career path.
Say no
We feel lost when we get lost into someone else’s life. We do things for others at the cost of ourselves. Others can be our children, our spouse, our friends, even neighbours we don’t like. Learn to say no. And you don’t need a reason to say no. Your time is precious and you don’t need to explain anything to anyone if you don’t want to spend that time with them, or waste your time doing something for someone. Calmly say no, without drama without being rude. Just no. It feels wonderful. And you will empowered.
Laugh more.
We feel lost because we forget how to laugh at life and ourselves. The other day I watched the Wedding Crashers with Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson. I didn’t expect to laugh that much and that hard. And I loved the ending as well. Laughter makes you feel so much lighter, and life seems so much more fun when. Sometimes things seem so hopeless and unbelievable that you have no other choice but to laugh, or you will go crazy. You need a quirky sense of humour to see the humour in things that were not supposed to be funny but it helps to keep you sane. I don’t mean that you must laugh at the misfortune of people, that means you’re not just lost, you’re sick too. There’s nothing funny when something bad happens to someone else. Even if you hate them.
Forgive yourself.
Oh wow. This one is huge. Forgiving yourself means to be kind to yourself for all the mistakes you’ve made in the past. It means to let go of your idea of what your life should look like right now, to accept where you are and to be content with yourself. When you start forgiving yourself you learn to let go, to be gentle with yourself, to appreciate your journey and recognise how far you’ve come. And it sets you free.
Celebrate life.
Celebrate all your victories. Did you cook today? In my book that’s a cause for celebration. You have food to eat and electricity to cook it with.
Did you just enjoy a perfect cup of coffee at home. Savour it.
If you’re a mom, did you just have a bath in peace? Major cause for celebration.
Did you get into a bed with clean bedding? Breathe in that cleanliness.
Did you find your favourite perfume? Enjoy the bliss.
Did you wake up with the birds singing outside your window? Enjoy it.
Is your kitchen clean? Victory is yours.
Stand still and smell the rain. Notice the beauty of a sunset. Appreciate the laughter of your child.
Start appreciating all those little things. And celebrate every little thing that you’ve accomplished. I mean every little thing. That includes not swearing at the person who pissed you off.
When my child was born I only had three goals for myself every day, make my bed, take a bath and clean the kitchen. Doing those three things for myself every day made me feel like Superwoman. A baby demands so much attention and energy that I had to keep things simple because I needed all my energy to take care of my baby. I needed energy, not complications.
Take care of yourself.
Be kind to yourself. You feel lost. It’s okay. You need to slow down and take care of your needs. Read the book. Take the walk. Eat the chocolate. Enjoy the wine. Pamper yourself. Get a hair cut. Go out with a friend. Go out alone. Buy a journal and write down your dreams, your hopes and your desires. Do what you need to do to take care of yourself. Discover yourself all over again.
Finding your way when you’re feeling lost is never easy. We all get to a place in our lives where we wonder who we are and where our lives are going. But it is possible to find your way again. It’s a process that might take time, or it might happen in an instant where you recognise yourself again.
Then you will remember that life is so worthwhile. You still have dreams. And you matter. You are a wonderful, amazing powerful human being filled with life and you have so much to offer. There’s still so much to discover. There is so much you are capable of. And do it you must.
You are here. You have survived. You have conquered. You are alive.
You have life inside of you. Live it.
Comments
Post a Comment